I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
