Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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