do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
