I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
