Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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