Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
