I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
