Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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