So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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