While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
