U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
