would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
do nipples grow back?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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