my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
