looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
