this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
