You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
