Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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