Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
