it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
