Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
