we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
