I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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