i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This toilet bowl is my home.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
