I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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