Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
