She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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