last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
