Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
