this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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