I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
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What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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