we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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