I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
