im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just found a bag of teeth...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
