It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
