I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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