I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize