Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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