she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
