ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
