I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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