saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
