we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
