Joe is yelling at the trees again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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