your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
