Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
