I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
