She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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