I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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