On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
