Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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