Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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