Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
