If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
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she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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