I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
