if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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