That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
