I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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