The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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