Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
