never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
