I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
