Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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