She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just want to make out with him forever
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