Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
