I'm jealous of your bromance
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
