I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
