The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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