made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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