I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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