You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
