so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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