I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
