This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize