this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm at about main and main street
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".