i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom