Texts From Last Night

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  (239): View more from Florida

  so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...

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  (239): so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM... http://tfl.nu/hm43
  Replies (33) Good night (918) Bad night (3171)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME

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  (979): I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME http://tfl.nu/ljwk
  Replies (35) Good night (1154) Bad night (4475)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet

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  (303): Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet http://tfl.nu/rdc9
  Replies (17) Good night (979) Bad night (2729)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job

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  (301): Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job http://tfl.nu/jdmg
  Replies (21) Good night (3720) Bad night (2283)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.

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  (615): im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused. http://tfl.nu/4oz4
  Replies (9) Good night (5519) Bad night (1141)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.

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  (250): my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing. http://tfl.nu/ewuf
  Replies (10) Good night (3492) Bad night (960)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.

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  (616): i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins. http://tfl.nu/oy0i
  Replies (9) Good night (2257) Bad night (1159)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.

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  (602): UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle. http://tfl.nu/69ov
  Replies (7) Good night (1835) Bad night (970)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.

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  (518): He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong. http://tfl.nu/r133
  Replies (2) Good night (1393) Bad night (773)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises

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  (416): I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises http://tfl.nu/8bqz
  Replies (14) Good night (770) Bad night (1534)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.

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  (434): This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair. http://tfl.nu/7doa
  Replies (4) Good night (415) Bad night (1050)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.

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  (774): preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts. http://tfl.nu/6ehv
  Replies (3) Good night (743) Bad night (349)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.

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  (270): His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina. http://tfl.nu/fw3t
  Replies (2) Good night (433) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.

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  (316): Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember. http://tfl.nu/lmps
  Replies (0) Good night (510) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  this hospital has no fireball

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  (256): this hospital has no fireball http://tfl.nu/h1f7
  Replies (4) Good night (593) Bad night (385)

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