Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
