3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
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We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
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Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also, beer. Big fan.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.