Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.