I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.