Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
