there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
