i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
