I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
